


Left Behind

by Nightfoot



Category: Tales of Vesperia
Genre: Friendship, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Torture, pre-game
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-16
Updated: 2017-06-23
Packaged: 2018-11-14 18:45:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 20,831
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11214015
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nightfoot/pseuds/Nightfoot
Summary: A covert mission led to six knights being captured, interrogated, and killed.  Only one survivor made it back to Zaphias, and Flynn isn't coping with the aftermath very well.





	1. Missing in Action

**Author's Note:**

> A story prompted by Commandon-t on tumblr!

Yuri was asleep when someone knocked on his door. They might have been knocking for some time before Repede barked and finally roused him. At first, Yuri pulled his pillow over his head with a groan. Surely he’d only dragged himself upstairs to his room a few hours ago. He hadn’t gone out last night intending to stay awake until the birds starting chirping, but then alcohol happened, challenges had been made, and the live band drowned out the voice telling him it was time for bed. Besides, Flynn had always been at least sixty percent of his self control, and ever since they went their separate ways when he left the Knights two years ago, he’d had no one to rein him in. 

The knock came again. Yuri mumbled some curse words into his mattress and started dragging himself out of bed. He grabbed a shirt slung over a chair and tugged it on while stumbling to the door. Yuri pried it open just after another knock came and he blinked blearily into the morning light. A person stood at the door, and his throbbing head took an extra second to tell him that it was a woman, and then that it was a knight. Ah, shit, he didn’t recall doing anything illegal last night, but that might just mean he’d been drunk enough to do something  really illegal.

“What I do?” he mumbled through a mouth that tasted like foot. 

The woman wrinkled her nose at him; he couldn’t blame her. “Are you Yuri Lowell?”

Yuri yawned and rubbed his face. The threat of imminent criminal charges helped awaken his hungover thought processes. “That depends on what Yuri Lowell is accused of doing.”

“Boy, don’t you have a guilty conscience.” The woman glanced him up and down with her sharp, violet eyes. “I’m not here to arrest Yuri Lowell. I’m seeking him because he was listed as Flynn Scifo’s next of kin. So, let me ask again. Are you Yuri Lowell?”

Panic shoved the hangover aside and demanded so much attention Yuri’s heart forgot to beat. The last time he’d seen a knight come knocking on the door looking for a next of kin, it was to tell Mrs. Scifo that Finath was dead. But Flynn couldn’t be…. His vision blurred.

The woman’s lips moved, but with the blood rushing in his ears he didn’t make it out. “W-what?”

She took a tight breath, obviously frustrated with him. “I said, Lieutenant Flynn is in the hospital.”

He’d been so filled with panic that when it left all at once, he didn’t have the strength left to stay standing and slumped against the door frame. “Oh.” Thank heavens.

“The hospital administration wants you to come in.” She gave him another once-over. “I don’t think they need you right away, though.”

“I’m coming.” If Flynn had been injured, no hangover in the world would stop Yuri from checking up on him. 

He started to leave the room, but the woman held up a hand. “Perhaps pants, first?”

Yuri looked down at himself. “Oh.” 

* * *

 

Ten minutes later and fully dressed, Yuri was walking toward the castle with the knight, who turned out to be named Sodia. All things considered, Yuri had made better first impressions in his time. His tongue still felt like sandpaper and walking around in the bright sunlight made his head throb, but he could push those worries aside and focus on Flynn. 

“So, how injured is he? Is it serious?”

Sodia frowned. They were crossing the public quarter now and she hadn’t volunteered any information until he had gathered the fortitude to talk. “I’m not sure the extent. I was told that he was conscious when they brought him in, at least for a little while. He’s expected to recover.”

The news kept getting better. Sure, Flynn had been hospitalized, but he’d started the morning panicking that Flynn was dead, so in comparison, this was fantastic. “What kind of monster was it?”

“Hm?”

“What got him? Was he gored by a boar, or mauled by an eggbear, or what? How did his platoon fair?”

There was another long pause as Sodia sought an answer. “It… wasn’t a monster attack.”

Not a monster attack? But Flynn’s primary duty was leading his platoon in defensive measures against monsters in the Mayoccian Plains. What human opponent would he have even come across? “Who?”

“I don’t know,” she said in a clipped voice that left him wondering what information had been clipped out.

“Bullshit. Last I heard, Flynn’s standing orders kept him in the field fighting monsters in southern Ilyccia. Was it bandits?” It was hard to believe Flynn could be that badly hurt from a run-of-the-mill bandit, but he couldn’t think of anything else. Sometimes knights had small fights with guilds, but never anything serious for fear of provoking actual war and never so far from border areas. 

They started up the stairs toward the royal quarter. Sodia kept her eyes pointedly ahead. “Lieutenant Scifo has been missing in action for the past month. Members of the Schwann Brigade brought him back to Zaphias last night. He was taken directly to the medical ward of the Knighthood’s headquarters at the castle.”

“Missing?!” Yuri grabbed her shoulder and spun her around to face him. “How the hell did he go missing? Why wasn’t I told?”

She brushed his hand off her shoulder with a curl to her nose that said she feared he’d get his dirty drunkard cooties all over her. “About a month ago, Lieutenant Scifo and five other members of our brigade left on a mission. The rest of us weren’t informed about any details. When they didn’t return, he was reported missing in action. After our captain submitted the report, I didn’t hear anything about the situation until last night. I don’t know why you, as next of kin, weren’t informed and I don’t know anything else.”

She started walking again. Yuri spent a few seconds processing this and then hurried to catch up. His throbbing brain wasn’t the best at puzzles, but even it could shuffle these pieces together in some semblance of order. A secret mission, followed by utter silence when he didn’t return? He’d been back since last night but still no one had told Sodia where he had been or who had injured him? This was so much worse than a monster or bandits; this was  politics . Someone obviously didn’t want the details of Flynn’s mission to go public. 

They couldn’t reach the castle fast enough. Sodia led Yuri through a side entrance to the Knight headquarters and then down some corridors to the medical ward. Knights, nurses, and orderlies bustled around, only a few giving Yuri more than a passing glance. 

“He’s in here.” Sodia stopped beside a door. “I have other work to do, so I’ll leave you with him. A nurse will be with you shortly.”

“Thanks.” He didn’t wait for her to leave to push the door open. Yuri wasn’t sure what to expect when he entered, but whatever it was, he was relieved to find Flynn not as bad as that. Flynn lay in bed in a private room with Knighthood-red curtains drawn over the window. A beige blanket had been pulled up to his chest, and at first glance, he might have just been sleeping. Then Yuri took a second glance. It had been a few months since his last visit with Flynn, but he still knew that face intimately and it wasn’t supposed to be so sunken. A green shadow over his cheek hinted of a still-healing bruise over his eye and the thin arms out of the blanket ended in bandages wound around his wrists. 

Yuri stared at Flynn for a few seconds and then sank into a chair against the well beside the bed. He massaged his temples and urged the hangover to do its thing and be done with so he could focus on putting the pieces together. Flynn had been missing for over a month, and none of his wounds looked to be inflicted by a monster. Obviously he’d been held captive somewhere, but by whom? And what kind of mission had he been sent on in the first place?

The door opened and a young woman entered, a nurse based on her yellow dress. “Hi, are you Yuri Lowell?”

“Yeah.” He sat up but elected not to stand. 

“I’m glad you’re here. I never like to see a patient all alone.”

“Do you need anything from me? Signing paperwork or whatever?” 

“Not likely. He was conscious for a few minutes last night and the doctor expects him to wake up and be fully coherent again today, so there shouldn’t be an issue with needing to make decisions in his stead or anything like that.”

“What did he say last night?”

She folded her hands behind her back and swayed on her feet. “Hum, not much. He was very weak and exhausted and mostly just looked around and mumbled ‘thank you’ when I got him a blanket.”

“Nothing about where he’s been, then?”

The nurse shook her head. “Nope, sorry. We’re all really curious, too, but if any of the knights know, they’re not telling the medical staff.”

“Man… what about the rest of them?”

She cocked her head. “What do you mean?”

“The others who were brought back with him.”

The nurse frowned and slowly shook her head. “No one was brought back with him.”

Now it was Yuri’s turn to frown. “Sodia said he set out with a handful of other knights. They couldn’t all be…?”

She pursed her lips for a moment and then said, “I’m sorry. All I know is that Flynn was the only one brought in last night.”

“Damn….” Yuri looked to Flynn’s face. He looked peaceful in his sleep; did he know about this? He must. He’d been awake last night, and Flynn certainly would have asked about his knights as soon as possible. Oh, Flynn… losing all the knights under his command was certainly a more painful blow than any of his physical injuries. Yuri sighed. “Can you give me the run-down on his condition?”

“Yes.” She brightened at the prospect of moving on from the sobering topic. “The most pressing issue is a crossbow wound on his chest. It’s very recent, and some well meaning person took the bolt out. He nearly bled out from that, but luckily one of the knights that brought him back knew some healing artes and closed the wound as well as she could. So, he’s pretty weak from the blood loss and also malnutrition. Wherever he was for the past month, he didn’t get very much food or water. He has some superficial injuries - bruises, small cuts, things like that. It looks like he had some pretty significant bruising, but most of it has already healed. The other big problems is his leg. There’s a clean break on his left tibia, but it seems to be about three weeks old. It was never properly set and has already begun to heal in the wrong position. He’ll need surgery to fix that, but the doctors don’t want to do it until he’s stronger.”

Yuri watched Flynn’s face as the nurse listed all his ailments. It could be worse, Yuri told himself and thought of all the families of Flynn's squad who had also gotten a knight at their door this morning. It could be a lot worse.

“I’ll leave you to it. You can stay with him until eight tonight, if you want. And visiting hours open again at eight in the morning. If you need anything, feel free to ask around.”

“Thanks.” He didn’t look away from Flynn as she left.

* * *

Yuri sat quietly in Flynn’s room for a few hours, waiting for his hangover to get bored and hit the road. The only time he got up was to get some water, but otherwise he remained by Flynn’s side. The room was quiet and undisturbed for most of the morning, until the peace was broken by a young woman’s shout on the other side of the door. 

“You have to let me see him!”

“Miss, you must turn away. This is no place for you.”

“But he’s hurt! I can heal him!”

Yuri watched the door curiously as the shouting turned to muttering. Whatever discussion was had, apparently the young woman won her argument because a minute later, the door burst open and a flurry of blue skirt rushed toward the bed. 

“Flynn!" A young woman with pink hair knelt at the side of the bed and rested her hands on Flynn’s arm. “I’ve been so worried about you!”

Golden light erupted around her and Yuri grabbed her arm. “Maybe wait on that.”

She startled and noticed him sitting there for the first time. “Ah - what? I’m just going to heal him.”

“Right, but the nurse told me his leg is healing wrong and is gonna need surgery to fix it. If you use a healing arte on him now, you might just make it harder to fix later.”

“Oh….” Her enthusiasm deflated and she gazed at Flynn with a weary expression to which Yuri related. “Thank you for warning me. Um, who are you?”

“Yuri. Flynn’s friend.”

“Oh! Yes, I’ve heard of you. You used to belong to the Imperial Knights, right?”

He shrugged. “Just for three short months. Who are you supposed to be?”

The girl seemed taken aback, clearly not used to needing to identify herself. “I’m Estellise. I’m Flynn’s friend, too.”

“That right? Guess he managed to find someone to talk to in the castle after all. Do you know anything about where he’s been or what happened to him?”

She shook her head. “No, no one will tell me anything. He told me last month that he was going to be gone for about a week but that he couldn’t tell me anything about where he was going. And then he never came back, so I tried asking other knights and they were either just as ignorant as I was or refused to say anything about it.”

“I’m sensing a theme here. I do have some theories, though.”

“You do?” She rose from the ground and sat on the side of Flynn’s bed. One hand rested on the back of Flynn’s and she gently rubbed it with her thumb. “Even if it’s just a theory… I’d take  any information.”

“It’s mostly piecing together what we do know with some logical conclusions.” He had no idea who this girl was beyond that she lived in the castle, so he wasn’t sure what conclusions she would know to draw. She seemed a bit younger than him and Flynn, at the very least. “Look at his injuries.” Yuri gestured to the bandages around Flynn’s wrists. “Twin cuts on the wrist are unusual unless he was handcuffed. Bruising, broken leg - but the nurse said it was a clean break. Sodia said this wasn’t a monster attack. It’s pretty clear that he was held prisoner by someone.”

Estellise nodded while still watching Flynn. “I did guess that.”

“And no one will tell us anything. No one told Sodia anything either. So, he got sent on some top secret mission, but he got caught. Maybe the people who caught him wanted to know what he was doing there, which is why it sounds like he got beat up.”

“Who could have done this, do you think?”

“Hard to say…. Some group from the Guild Union, maybe.”

Estellise gazed forlornly at Flynn. “I hate to think that Flynn was got hurt, and I hate to think that someone did it to him deliberately.”

Yuri clenched his fists. “If anyone ever tells me who did this, I’ll break more than their legs.”

Flynn gave a soft groan and both of them snapped their attention to his face. His eyes cracked open and he blinked a few times before turning his head to look at them. 

“Flynn!” Estellise’s face burst with a fresh smile. 

Yuri nodded at him. “Morning, Sleeping Beauty.”

Flynn stared at them for a few long seconds and the mumbled, “I must still be dreaming if you two are in the same room….”

Estellise shook her head. “You’re not. We’ve been waiting for you to wake up.”

Yuri leaned toward her and wrapped an arm around her shoulders. “You’ve been in a coma for five years, Flynn. Estellise and I are married now and are expecting our first child soon.”

In Flynn’s confused, barely-awake state, he seemed to believe it for a few seconds if the shock and horror on his face was anything to go by. Estellise had to ruin it by blushing and pulling away from him.

“N-no! It’s not like that at all.”

Flynn closed his eyes again and sighed heavily. “I was going to say it’s good to see you again Yuri… but I think I changed my mind.”

“It’s only been less than a day since you were brought in,” Estellise supplied. “Do you remember coming in last night? They said you were conscious.”

Flynn turned his head away and stared at the ceiling. “Yes.”

“Oh, good.” Estellise pulled herself off the ground and sat on the edge of the bed. “So, where have you been? What happened?”

Flynn’s eyes remained fixed on the ceiling for a prolonged moment.

Yuri finally broke the silence to say, “You don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want to.” Estellise glanced at him, and he shared her frustration. He was dying to know where Flynn had been, but getting hounded for information probably wasn’t what Flynn needed right now.

“I’m in the castle?”

Yuri was about to speak, but Estellise got there first. “That’s right. In the medical ward in the Knight’s wing.”

Flynn nodded slowly. “Good.” There was another protracted silence. With a crease in his brown, Flynn asked, “Seligo…?”

Estellise looked to Yuri in confusion, and he gave her a tiny shake of the head to indicate he didn’t know either. She asked Flynn, “Seligo?”

“Is she here?”

Yuri’s chest tightened as he suspected he knew where this was going. “She was one of the knights who went missing with you?”

Flynn nodded slowly. “She was still alive when the Schwann Brigade came. I thought… if we made it back in time, she might….” His voice trailed away as he took in Yuri’s tight expression. Nothing else needed to be said, so he closed his eyes and turned his head away. “I see.”

Estellise held Flynn’s hand. “How are you, Flynn? Are you in much pain? Is there anything we can do for you?”

Flynn opened his eyes to think long and hard about this, and then he shook his head. “I’m fine.”

Yuri and Estellise exchanged another glance. Yuri said, “You seem to be in decent shape, at least, all things considered.”

Below the blanket, Flynn’s legs shifted, which caused a wince. “My leg isn’t in a cast yet. It’s still broken, isn’t it?” He didn’t make a movement to sit up and push the blanket away, but if he had a recent crossbow wound on his chest, Yuri could understand being reluctant to sit upright.

“They said they’ll get to it,” Yuri assured him. “When you’ve gotten some strength back, they’ll do surgery to re-position it and get everything sorted.”

Estellise pouted hugged herself. “I’m so sorry I can’t do anything about your leg yet. If I ever catch those kidnappers who shot you, I’ll… I’ll… give them a piece of my mind!”

Barely paying attention to her, Flynn murmured, “It was someone from the Schwann Brigade who shot me, actually….” Then he seemed to realize what he’d said after both Yuri and Estellise gave him startled expressions. 

Estellise creased her brow. “But why would the Royal Guard shoot their own-?”

“Forget about it.” Flynn closed his eyes again.

“But-”

Yuri touched Estellise’s shoulder. When she met his eyes, he shook his head again. Estellise bit her lip and then nodded.

“Flynn…” she said softly, “would you like us to leave you alone? So you can rest?”

“If… if you wouldn’t mind, Lady Estellise.”

“Ok.” She rose from the bed and grabbed Yuri’s arm. “Let’s go, Yuri. We’ll come back later.”

Yuri followed Estellise out. In the hall, she pressed the door closed and stood for a moment with her hand still resting on it. She said, “He’s in pain, but he won’t admit it. He got shot by our own knights - why? He won’t tell us where he was. I really tired of all these secrets.”

Yuri rubbed the back of his neck. “Tell me about it.”

“I’m going to talk to his captain. Do you want to come with me?”

“Absolutely.” The pair set off on their mission. Yuri wasn’t sure where to go, so he let Estellise take the lead. As they want, he asked, “How long have you known Flynn, anyway?”

“About two years now. He used to be in charge of guarding me before he got promoted to lieutenant, and we continued hanging out after that.” She looked to him thoughtfully. “He talks about you a lot. I feel like I already know a lot about you, even though we’ve just met.”

Yuri rolled his eyes. “He should keep his comments to himself.”

Estellise laughed. “They weren’t all terrible or embarrassing stories or anything like that!”

“Not all… but some?”

She smiled secretively and just said, “It sounds like the two of you had an interesting childhood.”

After a few minutes of walking down corridors, they stopped at a door, knocked, and waited to be called in. They entered a small office where a knight in a captain’s uniform was finishing up a letter before looking up at them. 

“Oh, Your Highness!” He rose to his feet and gave a quick bow. “Please, sit down. What can I do for you?”

Yuri glanced at Estellise. Highness? Not just any castle noble, then.

Estellise lowered herself into a chair across the desk while Yuri remained standing with arms crossed behind her. “I was hoping you could tell me more about Flynn.”

The captain frowned. “Ah. I thought I might be something like that. But, excuse me, who are you?” He directed the last part at Yuri.

“Yuri Lowell. Flynn’s friend. The hospital called me in as next of kin.”

“Ah, yes, I see. I’m sorry I didn’t write to you immediately when he went missing.”

“Yeah, so am I. That  is Knighthood policy, isn’t it? Next of kin gets notified if someone goes missing or gets killed or wounded, right?”

The captain’s frown deepened. “Truly, I am sorry. I was ordered to keep quiet about the situation by the commandant himself. Princess, I apologize for not answering any of your questions this past month. Anyone who had information about Flynn was ordered not to speak of it.”

“But why?” Estellise asked.

The captain glanced to the closed door and said, “Well… now that he’s back, I think I can be a little more open… though I would appreciate you not spreading it around that I talked to you.”

Estellise bobbed her head. “Yes, of course.”

“Last month, Commandant Alexei requested that I recommend him a lieutenant and five knights that I considered the most skilled and dependable. I nominated Lieutenant Scifo. The commandant had a brief meeting with Scifo and those knights, but I don’t know what was discussed. The next day, Scifo informed me that he had to take those knights on a confidential mission, and he would return to Zaphias in one week. He didn’t show up at the appointed time. I waited a day in case he was delayed, but after that I reported him and the rest of the knights as missing in action. The commandant came in person to discuss the issue with me and told me to not say anything to anyone else and that he would handle it. I haven’t been kept informed, but from what I understand, Captain Schwann directed a raid yesterday to recover him in Tolbyccia, and had him brought back to Zaphias.”

Yuri took a deep breath. “Ok. I see what happened.” 

Estellise looked to him curiously.

“Alexei sent Flynn to do some espionage, but he got caught. But espionage is illegal, so Alexei couldn’t publicly admit Flynn had been sent to the Union on his orders. He wanted this kept hush-hush, pretend he had no idea Flynn had been sent on a mission, and not have anyone asking questions.”

The captain nodded slowly. “That is the conclusion I’ve drawn. But you didn’t hear that from me.”

Yuri and Estellise thanked the captain for his time and left the room. They wandered aimlessly down the hallway for a minute until Estellise said, “Do you really think Flynn was spying? He doesn’t seem like the type to do sneaky work like that.”

“I think Flynn would do next to anything if the commandant told him to.”

Estellise hung her head. “You’re probably right.”

Yuri rested a hand on her shoulder. “Hey. Flynn is home safe. The worst is over, and now we just need to wait for him to heal and things will be ok then.”

* * *

 

Analise Seligo was the kind of woman who owned a dozen spears and was always eager to talk about what made each one awesome in its own unique way. She could out-drink men twice her size and was always the first one up after a night of partying to get coffee and breakfast ready for everyone else. She had bright red hair like Sodia’s, but shorter and curly, which caught the sun and turned into waves of fire sticking out under her helmet. She was nice. She was fun. She was loyal. She was dead. 

Flynn told himself not to be surprised. Her leg had been so badly mangled after they forced it into the massive gears and made a crunch only drowned out by her scream. All that blood and shattered bone, on top of other injuries…. She’d been fading fast, he remembered, but she’d still been alive when the Schwann Brigade arrived.  He’d hoped that the two of them would make it home together, and that at least one of his knights would live. 

Flynn lay in bed and inspected the ceiling beams. The pillow was soft and the room was quiet - so different than the cell he’d grown accustomed to. He was warm, and safe, and knew that his friends would be back to show him more affection later… and he wanted to get rid of all of it. If the universe was fair, it would let him trade places with Seligo, or Horitz, or Morin, or any of the knights who had set off with him. He was the lieutenant; he was supposed to be in charge. What kind of leader lived when all the knights under their command were killed? What did that say about him?  Coward. Selfish. He should have saved them. There was no respectable reason for an officer to come home alive with no one under his command. 

It had been a long day. He tried to nap through most of it, because being unconscious was preferable to dealing with being awake, but the deep and throbbing pain in his chest and leg made that difficult. He’d spoken with doctors and nurses who gave him long lists of everything wrong with him, and promised that as soon as he stopped feeling like total crap from almost dying of blood loss, they’d break his leg all over again so he could start feeling like crap over that. It would be a long time before he was fit to rejoin his brigade… but maybe that was for the best. No one else should ever be placed under his command. They might end up dead, too.

* * *

 

It was evening. Flynn sat upright in bed, though getting there had been a painful trail. He swirled soup around the bowl on the tray on his lap. In the past month, his stomach had probably shrunken considering how rarely meals were provided. He hadn’t eaten anything hot since being captured and even the creamy soup seemed too rich and filling for him. 

The door to his room opened. Flynn’s spoon clattered onto the tray and his gasp made his chest wound throb. For two seconds, his brain screamed,  what are they going to do this time!? before he remembered where he was and that this wasn’t a captor barging in to drag him out for more misery. 

It was a knight, though one wearing a decorated uniform sans armour that suggested he didn’t go into the field very often. “Good evening, Lieutenant.” The man stood by the side of Flynn’s bed with a clipboard lightly in hand. “I apologize for interrupting your dinner.”

“It’s fine.” He dabbed the puddle of spilled soup on the tray with his napkin. 

“My name is Lieutenant Deagle from Internal Affairs. I want to ask you a few questions about the past month.”

Flynn froze in his cleaning attempts. He’d known this was coming, but that didn’t mean he was ready for it. 

“I spoke with Captain Schwann, who led the rescue effort. However, he claimed to not know how you ended up in Union territory. I was hoping you could illuminate me.”

Flynn consulted his soup and spoke quietly. “Commandant Alexei directed me to lead an intelligence gathering mission. We were to investigate what the Union knew about….” How much could he say about apatheia? What would Alexei want him to divulge? He swallowed heavily. “A potential power source they might know about.”

“What sort of power source?”

“I’m… not at liberty to say.”

Deagle repeated himself in a less friendly voice. “What was the power source, Flynn?”

Anxiety raced along worn grooves in his heart and he folded his hands together to keep them from visibly trembling. But he said, “I’m sorry. That’s classified information.” He had gotten good at holding his tongue under pressure. 

“Uh-huh.” Deagle pursed his lips while flipping through pages on his clipboard. “And how did you come to be in a place called….” He consulted his papers again. “Ghasfarost?”

“Commandant Alexei sent us. We were attempting to find information about this power source in Ghasfarost but members of the Blood Alliance caught us.” He supposed it was ok to tell this much, if Deagle already knew he’d been in Ghasfarost. 

“I see. How did the other members of your unit die?”

He should have punched Flynn in the gut to be kinder. The blunt question caused a dozen memories of torture and death to flash before his eyes and the prospect of explaining all of them felt like an impassable mountain. “They… were executed.”

“By the guild in residence at Ghasfarost?”

Flynn nodded shortly. “Correct.”

“Why? It seems that live hostages would be more useful to them. Why did they kill the others, but not you?”

As if Flynn hadn’t been asking himself that question every damn minute since he woke up in Zaphias. That was a philosophical question, though. He knew the practical reason why they’d been killed, but the thought of telling this clinical knight with his clipboard and impassive face was impossible. “I… don’t know.”

He raised his eyebrows. “You don’t know?”

Flynn gave a tiny shake of the head. 

“You have no idea why they were killed?”

“No.” Damn, he was so bad at lying. If he’d been any good at feigning ignorance to a question he didn’t want to answer, maybe the others would still be alive. 

Deagle watched him for a heated moment to see if he’d say anything else, anything damning. Then he said, “I see,” in a tone that said what he was seeing was a pile of bullshit. “Five knights are dead, Lieutenant. Their families want answers.” He nodded curtly. “Good evening. I’ll return if I have more questions.”

When the door shut, Flynn stared at the wall across from him and tried to calm down. He might as well not have been rescued. He was still lying in pain and dreading another interrogation sometime in the unspecified future. The only difference was the lack of restrains and locked doors, and that meant that this time, he had a chance to escape. Flynn pushed the tray with soup off his lap in a spurt of energy. He didn’t know his plan, just that the idea of being interrogated again made it hard to breathe and he would do anything to not be here. He clutched the bandages over the wound on his lower chest and swung his legs over the side of the bed. He was already trying to stand before the pain struck him and beat him over the head with the reminder that his leg was still broken. 

Flynn fell back on the bed with a gasp. The pain blinded him and for a minute he could do nothing but breathe and wait for it to abate. By the time he could think straight, the burst of panic that had pushed him out of bed had faded.  Think rationally , he reprimanded himself. He hadn’t done anything wrong. All Deagle had to do was ask the commandant about the mission to get his answers. It would be clear that this wasn’t his fault….

Except that it was. Part of it, at least. He hadn’t decided to go to Ghasfarost, but he had failed to avoid detection. He’d bungled the mission and got all of them captured, and because of his mistake, five comrades had suffered and died. Families demanded answers. When the truth came out, they would despise him. 

Flynn leaned forward and rested his face in his hands. Everything would be better if he’d just died with the others, as he should have.


	2. Blood Splattered Memories

Flynn lay in bed, feeling anxious. He was used to that emotion, at least. The past month had been filled with nothing but anxiety, dread, and fear. Now, the anxiety came from the Knighthood. It had been three days since Lieutenant Deagle met with him and no one had told him anything about what was going on outside his room. Everyone he asked either didn’t know, told him to focus on resting and healing, or both. 

It was hard to focus on resting and healing, though. All the quiet, peaceful time the nurses afforded him just gave him lots of time to dwell on the past. He thought about the way Corman always double-checked his bag to make sure the buckles were secure before heading out, or how Lademir had dimples when she smiled. And how they were dead. Dead because of him. Yesterday, Sodia had visited and told him that no one in the brigade blamed him for their deaths, but that just made it worse because they didn’t know what had happened. Eventually they would find out and hate him as much as he hated himself, and he kept dreading the day that happened. 

The door opened and he startled. Nurses were good about knocking to pacify his anxiety, but Yuri had always acted as if knocking on doors was a phenomenon that happened to other people. He gave a short wave and a, “Yo,” before crossing the room and falling into the chair by the bed. 

“Good afternoon.”

“How are you feeling?”

Flynn shrugged the shoulder on his un-injured side. “Fine, I suppose.” His chest throbbed and the ache in his leg was so omnipresent he barley noticed anymore, but it could be worse. He could be dead with the others. He didn’t like looking up at Yuri while lying down, though, so he risked making himself feel worse by wriggling upright. 

“Do you know yet when you’re going to get that surgery on your leg?”

He shrugged again. “A few days, maybe. I haven’t been told much of anything.”

Yuri stretched his arms and leaned back. “I could say the same. Estelle and I have been comparing notes and brainstorming, but by this point we’re just bullshitting wild and ridiculous theories.”

“Estelle?”

“Yeah, you know, your princess girlfriend.”

Flynn’s face reddened. “Lady Estellise is not my girlfriend. We’re just… friends.” Meanwhile, his brain tried to combine the images of Yuri and Lady Estellise into them hanging out together, and failed. It was like trying to piece two puzzle pieces together, except they came from totally different puzzles and didn’t even have complimentary shapes. “You’ve been hanging out with her, then?”

“A bit, yeah. I get the impression she doesn’t have much of anyone to talk to and she’s pretty upset about this whole thing.”

Flynn sighed. “I didn’t mean to worry her. Or you, for that matter. I just… wanted to complete a mission and impress the commandant. But now….” He massaged his face. “I bet they’re going to discharge me. I deserve it, honestly.”

“What are you talking about?”

He didn’t want to talk about it because it filled him with so much guilt, but the truth was going to come out eventually. Better Yuri find out now, right? And maybe Yuri of all people wouldn’t think he was a horrible person. “It’s… my fault the others are dead.” Saying it aloud made the guilt throb in his chest. 

“Hey. Don’t say that.” Yuri frowned and shook his head. “It was the bastards who captured you guys that killed them. I’m sure you did everything you could.”

Flynn squeezed his eyes shut and shook his head. “No. You don’t understand.”

“Well… can you tell me?” 

Flynn stared at his lap. 

Yuri checked over his shoulder to confirm the door was closed. “Flynn, I don’t know what happened. I have no idea where you were or who did this to you. But if you tell me, I might be able to help.”

And in that moment, he did want to share. The burden of guilt was so heavy it crushed him and if Yuri could share that, it might be more bearable. 

“The truth is… it  is my fault.”

“Flynn-”

“No, listen to me. We were in Ghasfarost. Do you know where that is?”

Yuri shook his head. 

“It’s a big tower in northern Tolbyccia, used as a stronghold by the Blood Alliance. The commandant sent us to find information about… a certain power source that I can’t tell you. We were sneaking around in the tower, and Corman…. He was the youngest. Only seventeen. Very keen and reliable, but jumpy. So when he told me that he thought people were coming and we should go, I - I didn’t listen.” The guilt stabbed him and he risked a glance at Yuri, afraid of seeing the disappointment. It wasn’t there yet. 

“I thought he was overreacting, but then Horitz also said we should go. They all agreed that we’d pushed our luck and shouldn’t go further, but I thought the information we needed - what the commandant asked for - was just a few rooms further. I wasn’t willing to turn back empty handed. Because…” he clenched his fists. “Because I didn’t want to disappoint the commandant. Because I thought I wouldn’t get a promotion if I didn’t impress him. So I decided to stay and go further, but they were right. We should have left when we could. We got caught and it’s all my fault.” He took a deep breath after admitting all that. It made his chest wound ache, but he deserved the pain.

Yuri nodded solemnly. “So you made a bad call.”

Flynn winced. “Yeah.”

“But that doesn’t mean it’s your fault. Anyone could have messed up like that.”

Flynn shook his head. “There’s more. I suppose you guessed that I was… interrogated?” A dozen images flashed through his mind upon mentioning this, all dripping with blood. 

Yuri nodded hesitantly. “I thought it was a possibility.”

“They took me, of course. We were all locked up in a prison cell, but they pulled me out in the morning. That’s how it should be; I’m the lieutenant. They wanted to know what we were looking for, what Alexei knew about the Union, things like that. I didn’t answer. That’s when I got this.” His fingers trailed over the shadow of an old bruise on his face. “Eventually, though, they fixated on a topic: Ioder.”

“Who’s that?”

“A prince - candidate for the throne,” he said hurriedly. Now that he had started telling Yuri, he just wanted to get it over with as fast as possible. “They were asking about where he was, which royal residence he stayed in, which room, what security is like. I think they’re plotting an assassination or something. I refused to say anything about him.” And he hadn’t - not once. Not when they’d cuffed his hands and strung him up to the ceiling to beat like a pinata, and not when they forced his head into a bucket of icy water until his vision turned faint and he was sure he would drown - only to be dragged up gasping before getting shoved back in again. 

They’d focused the torture on him, as it should be. Flynn had known he would likely die there, and he had come to terms with it. But then came the day a little over a week in that they had decided to expand their options.

* * *

 

Flynn struggled to remain upright. His arms were pulled taught over his head, the chain slung over a ceiling beam. Flynn rested his swollen face against his bicep as he struggled to balance on one leg. The right leg felt fine, but the left gave him nothing but agony. The incident with the sledgehammer had been over two hours ago and the calf had had time to swell and turn an ugly purple colour, but the pain of the shattered bone was as sharp and unforgiving as ever. When the door to the room opened, Flynn’s heart skipped a beat and he prayed that at the very least, they wouldn’t break anything this time. 

Then he cracked his eyes open to see what was coming and his heart plummeted into his stomach.  Corman . They shoved the young knight - still a boy, really - into a chair and tied his wrists to the armrests. Flynn was familiar with that chair and had spent some of the worst hours of his life sitting there, but he would do anything to sit there now in place of Corman. 

“Leave him alone!” Flynn had put a lot of effort into not shouting during the past week, which was why so much pain and fear rushed out on his voice now. “He doesn’t know anything!”

Corman glanced to Flynn with terror in his eyes. They always dumped Flynn back in the cell come evening, so Corman knew exactly what to expect now that he’d been dragged out too. From fifteen feet away, Flynn could see him shaking. 

“We haven’t gotten anything useful from you, Lieutenant,” one of the men said with a sneer. “So lets see if your privates know anything.”

“They don’t!” 

“We’ll see about that.” The man loomed over Corman with a grin. “Alright, kid, what do you know about Prince Ioder? How can we get to him?”

Corman took a few shaking breaths and licked his lips. His eyes darted to Flynn and took in the whole range of injuries the Blood Alliance had inflicted on him. That was what would happen to him if he didn’t talk, but it also told him how much Flynn had endured without slipping. The young knight had always looked up to Flynn, and Flynn saw the determination replace fear in his eyes. Corman was determined not to give up the information his lieutenant had suffered so much to conceal, but his breaths came shaky and nervous as he muttered, “I - I don’t know.”

Flynn had to close his eyes when he heard the crunch of dislocating fingers and Corman’s yelp. 

“How do we get to him?!”

Corman violently shook his head with eyes clamped shut. “I don’t know!”

The man struck him across the face and repeated his question. Again, Corman feigned ignorance. And again, the man struck Corman’s jaw with enough force to make an audible crack. 

Every time someone struck Corman, Flynn felt the thuds in his heart. He instinctively yanked on the chains over his head in an effort to free himself and run to his knight’s aid, but all he managed to do was lose his balance and stumble onto his broken left leg. His garbled shout of pain morphed into one of rage when the man drive a knife through the back of Corman’s hand. “Let him go!” Flynn strained against the chains to righten himself; the metal cuffs bit into his inflamed wrists. “Stop! I’m the one you want! He doesn’t know anything!”

The man turned to Flynn, then glanced between him and the panting Corman. His smile gave Flynn chills. “You want me to stop? Ok, Lieutenant, how about  you tell me what you know about Ioder, or I’ll break the rookie’s kneecaps?”

Corman whimpered and Flynn momentarily lost his grip on the world. No, no, it wasn’t supposed to be like this. Torture  him , dammit! He was the one who’d gotten them caught, he was the one responsible for his subordinates, he was the one who should take this beating! By all rights, Corman shouldn’t even be here! Flynn shook his head, desperate. “Leave him out of this. Do whatever you want to me, but don’t hurt him.”

“Are you not going to tell me?” He picked up a mallet from a table and Corman’s eyes tracked it with panic.

“No! Take me!” Flynn strained against the chains. He wanted to spill everything he knew about Ioder, but knew he couldn’t. He couldn’t sell out one young man to save another, and besides, they were knights. Protecting the royal family was their duty. Flynn met Corman’s eyes as he struggled to put on a brave face and then gave Flynn a tiny nod. 

Corman agreed with not helping the Blood Alliance get close to Ioder, but that didn’t keep him from screaming as his knee caps were shattered, and it didn’t stop the crunching from sending shards of guilt stabbing into Flynn's heart. All the good excuses in the world couldn’t soften the knowledge that he could have stopped this.

Corman’s suffering dragged on, and on. Flynn gave up trying to plead for him and just hung his head, shaking his head in defiance and biting his lip as a mild distraction from Corman’s moaning. As evening approached, he prayed it would end soon. The door opened and Flynn hoped it would be someone coming to take them back to the cells. That hope fizzled out when he recognized Barbos, the leader of the Blood Alliance. The man had shown up a few times to supervise the torture, and his men always went harder and more creative when he was around, like they were trying to impress him. 

“Who’s this?” Barbos nodded at the bloody and mangled body in the chair. 

“One of the knights we caught, sir.” The man set his blood-stained knife on the table. “Turns out the lieutenant is one of those goody-good types who freaks the fuck out if you lay a finger on one of his men.”

“That so?” Barbos stroked his chin as he surveyed Flynn, who defiantly met his gaze. “Get anything out of him?”

The man scowled and shook his head. “Nah. I feel like we’re closer than ever, though.”

Barbos picked up the knife and turned it over, admiring the blood stained to the hilt. “You haven’t pushed him enough. How many other knights do we have the in cells?”

“Four, sir.”

Barbos nodded. “This one’s disposable, then.”

Panic flared and Flynn thrashed with renewed energy. “No!”

Barbos chuckled and took up position behind the chair. He gripped Corman’s hair and jerked his chin up, exposing his pale neck and quivering Adam’s apple. The blade rested casually against it. “Well, Lieutenant? What’s it going to be?”

“Don’t.” Flynn’s eyes locked on Corman’s face. “Please. He’s done nothing. He’s just a kid. If you’re going to kill anyone, let it be me.”

Barbos laughed. “And lose access to any of the information you have? Don’t be ridiculous. Face it, Lieutenant, you’re still valuable to us alive. These underlings? Not so much. Tell us what we want to know about the prince and I’ll let him live.”

Flynn’s mouth hung open. This was the most dire decision of his life, but his brain had gone blank. All he could do was stare at Corman, this knight who was his responsibility, and know that the next words out of his mouth would decide if the boy lived or died. He wanted so desperately to save him, but if he cracked now, they would never stop. They would threaten his knights’ lives until every military secret Flynn knew was out in the open, and then even more knight lives would be at risk - not to mention Ioder. He absolutely couldn’t tell them, and when he met Corman’s eyes, he saw nothing but resignation. Corman knew he couldn’t - wouldn’t - speak up to save him, and somehow seeing that understanding and, worse, acceptance that his life had to be sacrificed, killed Flynn more than if he'd been pleading. 

Flynn hung his head and minutely shook it. 

* * *

“And - and then he sl-slit Corman’s throat.” Flynn’s voice strained and he pressed his hands into his face. “R-right in front of me. I want to look away - I want to s-so badly - but it didn’t seem right. He had to endure it, the l-least I could do was watch what I’d condemned him to.” The memory of the the blood, the gurgling, and his own screaming, forced his words out in gasps and tears ran down his cheeks. His whole body shook, like it was so full of misery and guilt that it strained to contain it all. “I couldn’t save him. Except - except I  could have, but I chose not to.”

“Whoa, hey.” Yuri left his chair to sit on the edge of the bed and wrap an arm around Flynn’s shoulders. “You can’t blame yourself for this. It’s the rotten Blood Alliance who’s to blame.”

Flynn leaned into Yuri and buried his face in Yuri’s shoulder. “It didn’t stop there. If I’d just held my tongue, or not reacted so strongly… not shown them that my subordinates are my weakness…. The day after, they dragged out Lademir. She lasted longer than Corman. She suffered for days before they finally killed her and I could have stopped it at any time. But I didn’t, because I’d already let Corman die. If I spoke up to save Lademir, that would make Corman’s sacrifice meaningless. And it kept getting worse because then when they were torturing Horitz, I’d already let  two of my knights die.”

Barriers crumbled. He hadn’t let himself cry in front of the Blood Alliance, and he refused to show weakness in the cell with his knights, but now every door he’d locked sprang open and the tears came fast and ferociously. And why shouldn’t they? He had five people to mourn, and five deaths to take blame for. 

Yuri sat still for a few minutes with one arm wrapped around Flynn’s back. Yuri had always been good at listening, and now he served as a silent rock Flynn could cry onto. This lasted until Flynn was able to pull himself together and rubbed his eyes on the bandages around his wrists. 

“I’m sorry.”

“Don’t apologize.”

Flynn took a shuddering breath. “I have no right to cry. I’m alive, aren’t I?”

Yuri leaned back and gripped both of Flynn’s shoulders. “Flynn, listen to me. What happened was not your fault, ok? You did the right thing. What, you think if you’d told them about Ioder, they’d let you all go? Singing like a canary when they threatened your knights would have turned into rapidly wringing out every last bit of information out of you they could, and then they’d kill all of you anyway. There was nothing you could have done to make them not kill all of you. By not giving in, you ensured they had to keep you alive long enough for the Schwann Brigade to show up and get you out. It very nearly got Seligo out, too.”

“I… suppose.” His eyes flicked away from Yuri. It made perfect logical sense, but wretchedness clung to him like slime and mere logic failed to dislodge it. 

“Why did Schwann's men shoot you?”

“Huh?” The abrupt change in subject left him reeling.

Yuri drew his arms back and gestured at the bandages around his torso. “Our own knights shot you. Why? Wasn’t it supposed to be a rescue mission?”

“They… had to.” Flynn pressed a hand over the wound. “One of Barbos’ men was using me as a hostage to escape the raid.” He recalled the chill of the knife pressing against his throat, the way his broken leg kept bumping the floor and sending off missiles of pain, the man’s voice in his ear shouting at the knights to stand down or he’d kill him… and hoping they didn’t because by then, he’d craved death. Flynn shoved those thoughts away and muttered, “They couldn’t let the Blood Alliance get away with me. At that point they didn’t know how much I’d already told them, or if I would keep telling them more the longer they had me. If I couldn’t be rescued, it was better I die so they couldn’t keep using me.”

Yuri failed to conceal his revulsion. “Better for the Knighthood, maybe, but what about you?”

Flynn shook his head. “They did what they could. The one who pulled the trigger had good aim; they had to count on it not being a fatal shot and taking the risk to make the guildsman drop me and see I wasn’t useful as a hostage.”

Yuri rubbed his face with frustration. “Ok, Flynn, do you see the hypocrisy here? It’s totally ok for Schwann's men to let you die for the greater good of the Knighthood, but you making the same call means you’re an awful person?”

Flynn drew in a sharp breath. He hadn’t even thought of it from that perspective. “It’s different.”

Yuri rolled his eyes. “Yeah, sure. Ok, I’m not going to pressure you about this while you’re still in the hospital, so let yourself heal and your head cool off and we can talk more when you’re feeling more stable, alright?”

“Yeah. Sure.” The prospect of feeling more stable than he did now seemed very far away, so he’d agree to do anything in that distant time. 

A soft knock came to the door and Flynn straightened up. He rubbed his eyes to make sure they were dry and called, “Come in.”

His captain entered and gave Yuri a polite nod. “Good afternoon, Flynn. How are you feeling?”

“Fine, sir.” He hoped it wasn’t obvious he’d been crying. It would have been bad enough for a nurse to know, but this was his commanding officer. 

“Good, good….” The captain fiddled with his hands and glanced around the room. “Flynn, I need to inform you that you’ve been summoned to a disciplinary hearing in two days.”

Flynn’s heart throbbed and he sat in stunned silence.

Yuri took over reacting for him. “He what?!”

The captain grimaced, clearly as unhappy with the news as Yuri was. “Surgery to fix your leg has been scheduled for tomorrow, and they’ve set the hearing for the day after that.”

“Discipline for  what ?” Yuri demanded, but Flynn knew. 

Flynn couldn’t get angry the way Yuri was, because despite Yuri’s reassuring words five minutes ago, he still felt dully certain that he deserved punishment. Five knights were dead because of the decisions he’d made, and when five knights die, someone had to be held accountable. 

“This might just be a formality,” the captain said. “There’s a lot of confusion about what actually happened. The families of those who died want answers, and Internal Affairs wants to know what you were doing there.” He shifted and fidgeted his hands again. “But scheduling it so soon after surgery….” He shook his head, clearly uncomfortable with admitting fault in the Knighthood. “I suppose they reason that if you’re fit enough for surgery, you’re recovered enough to attend the hearing.”

Flynn nodded. “I understand. It’s fine.”

Yuri whipped his head around and Flynn wasn’t sure if he was more angry at the Knighthood or with Flynn. “It’s not fine. You’ve done nothing wrong.”

“Ideally,” the captain said hesitantly, “that is what the hearing will confirm.”

“It had better,” Yuri grumbled. “I’ll see you around, Flynn.”


	3. Nightmares

Yuri wasn’t wandering through the castle long before a knight stopped him. 

“You! Halt! What are you doing here?!” The knight clanked down the corridor toward him, pike raised.

“Whoa, easy.” Yuri held up his hands, one of them clasping a letter. “Look, I have permission from the princess.” Not that he had any idea where Estellise - or Estelle, as he’d taken to thinking of her because her name was annoyingly long - was. 

The knight gave him a suspicious glare and snatched the paper. In truth, Yuri wasn’t sure what it said because Estelle wrote with a flowery cursive that Yuri struggled to decipher. She had given him the paper and said it was a note giving him permission to enter the castle so he could come talk to her about Flynn if he needed to. It had gotten him through the front door, and seemed to work on this knight, too. 

“Ah, I see. Carry on, then.”

“Quick question. Any idea where I can find the lady?”

“Lady Estellise is likely in the library on the second floor.”

“Thanks.” Yuri continued onward and was about to open the library door when it swung inward and Estelle startled to a stop.

“Oh! Yuri! Hello; were you looking for me?”

Yuri glanced at the rows of books over her shoulder. “Nah, I just came to do some light reading.”

She tilted her head. “Really? I can recommend you some good books, if you want.”

Yuri stared at her earnest smile. “No, I…. You know what, never mind. Have you talked to Flynn since yesterday?”

She nodded. “Yes, but only a little. We chatted for a bit yesterday evening, but he was tired and a nurse kicked me out.”

“Did he tell you he’s going into surgery today?”

Estelle gasped. “What? No! When?”

“Pretty soon. I figured you’d want to know so I came to find you.”

“I do! Thank you, Yuri. Let’s hurry back; I want to wish him well before he goes in.”

Yuri let Estelle lead the way, because she was less likely to get lost in all these identical passages. They kept up a brisk pace, and chatted as they went.

“Do you think he’s scared? I think having surgery would scare me.”

“I’m sure he’s fine. After what he’s been through, I don’t think proper medical care can scare him that much.”

The reminder of how much hell Flynn had been through didn’t pacify Estelle. She hung her head and said, “Yes, I suppose you’re right. And we still don’t even know what all that is….”

Yuri glanced down at her. “He, uh, told me some yesterday, actually.”

“He did?” She looked to him with hope. “You know more of what happened?”

Yuri nodded slowly and wondered how much to tell. If Flynn had wanted Estelle to know, he would have told her yesterday evening. He’d just give her the bare-bones version. “I know that the majority of it was based around being forced to watch the other knights get tortured.”

Estelle’s eyebrows rose and her hand slipped over her open mouth. “Oh… oh, Flynn…. No wonder he’s so distraught….”

“And there’s another thing.”

“It gets worse?”

Yuri told her about the hearing. She didn’t take it well.

“They can’t do this!” She stomped her foot. “He’s already grieving and in pain; how can they add another burden on top of that?”

“Yeah, well, stupid decisions like this are part of why I quit the Knights.”

They reached Flynn’s room not long after and found him lying in bed. Estelle put on a cheerful face again, but Yuri couldn’t muster the optimism. 

“Hi, Flynn!” She stood next to his bed and fiddled her thumbs. “Yuri just told me you’re getting your leg fixed today.”

Flynn nodded. “Yes, so they tell me.”

“That’s wonderful. Once it’s all properly straightened, I’ll use a healing arte to speed up the recovery and you’ll be walking again in no time.”

“Yes… I’m looking forward to it.” He didn’t look excited.

Yuri stood near the foot of the bed with his arms crossed. “Will they be letting you out of here after the surgery?”

Flynn thought for a moment and then shrugged. “I’m not sure. I hope so. If all I’m doing is getting bed rest, I’d be more comfortable in my own room.”

Estelle encouragingly patted his shoulder. “I’m sure they’ll release you soon, and then once you’re all healed up, you can go back to your brigade and things can go back to normal.”

Flynn didn’t even bother trying to fake a smile. “That’s right.”

Yuri analyzed Flynn’s face and tried to consider how he could make this better. No doubt the thought of confronting his brigade and being judge by them terrified him. He was convinced they would hate him for letting the others die. Yuri was equally certain that any mentally stable knight would recognize that the Blood Alliance had forced Flynn into a shit situation and there had been nothing he could have done differently. The problem was that Flynn’s brigade didn’t know the situation, and Yuri couldn’t explain it to any of them without betraying Flynn’s trust. But, this was something he could work out with Flynn once he was out of the hospital. 

The door opened and a few nurses came in. “Flynn? It’s time to go.”

Estelle spun around. “Oh, it’s a good thing we got here when we did, then. We’ll be here when you’re out, ok, Flynn?” She leaned over to kiss his forehead. “Good luck.”

* * *

 

They were camped in a copse of trees in Tolbyccia. Rain from earlier still dripped from the leaves and right onto Flynn’s head. 

“Give it up, Morin,” said Seligo, leaning against a tree with her arms crossed. “The wood’s too damp. You’re not going to get it to light.”

Morin struck another match and held it toward his kindling. “Not all of us are as pessimistic as you.” The thin scrap of wood singed, and then the match went out. He tossed it aside with the others while the rest of the knights laughed. 

“Give it up, lad,” said Horitz, the eldest of the knights. His moustache was starting to go grey, but he’d never shown any resentment to Flynn outranking him at such a young age. “It’ll be time to sleep by the time you get that going, if it ever happens.”

“No point giving up.” He pulled out a knife and began scraping away at the kindling in hopes of finding dry wood inside. Light from the blastia shone on his determined face.

Lademir pulled a pack of cards out of her bag. “We may not have a fire, but it doesn’t have to be a dreary evening. How many am I dealing for?”

Seligo, Horitz, and Corman chimed in that they’d play, while Morin was busy trying to make fire from a pile of wet wood. Lademir shuffled the deck and started passing out cards, and then Flynn said, “I’ll play.”

They looked to him in surprise. Flynn had been sitting quietly for most of the conversation, his mind wrapped up in tomorrow. They were due to reach Ghasfarost the next evening and Alexei had only been able to give him a rudimentary overview of the exterior of the tower. He wouldn’t be able to decide for sure where their point of entry would be until they reached it, but he couldn’t help thinking it over now. 

“You want to play poker, Lieutenant?” Seligo asked. “You do know it’s a game of bluffing and subterfuge?”

Flynn frowned a little. “Sure. I used to play with my friend Yuri.”

Horitz leaned over to slap his back. “Our shiny lieutenant can’t be sparkly and pure  all the time.”

“This’ll be great,” Corman said with a grin. “Have you ever seen him try to lie? His face gets all red! Er….” He glanced at Flynn, “Sorry, Lieutenant.”

Flynn smiled idly. “It’s fine.” 

“You’re on, then!” Seligo said as they all leaned forward for their cards. “Let’s crack into his lieutenant paycheck!”

Laughter chorused around the group and Flynn reached - 

Flynn was in Ghasfarost. The iron door swung open and the guards supporting him over their shoulders shoved him roughly into the room. Flynn stumbled and hit the floor at the same time the door slammed shut again. 

“Lieutenant!” Lademir was the first to reach his side. 

Flynn propped himself up on his forearms and panted through his mouth, because his nostrils were clogged with blood. After getting caught last night, he had anticipated being questioned. Based on the looks the others had given him when some men from the Blood Alliance ordered him to leave the cell with them this morning, they had expected the questioning to be rough. None of them had predicted just how rough.

“’M… fine.”

“Your face is a wreck,” Seligo said as if she didn’t also have a nasty gash on her cheek from the fighting last night. She’d never been one to surrender without a fight. “Who has something that can function as a bandage?”

“I’ve got socks,” Morin said, already taking his shoes off.

“You can’t put your rank socks on the lieutenant’s face!” Horitz said and then shrugged off the outer coat of his uniform. 

“No.” Flynn coughed and spat out some blood from where he’d bitten his tongue too hard. He rolled onto his side and tried to make himself comfortable, which was hard to do when he felt like he’d been run over by a cart. “Not bleeding that much.” It had been earlier, but most of the blood was dry now.

“Here.” Horitz folded up his jacket and slipped it under Flynn’s head as a rudimentary pillow. 

Corman was sitting nearby, looking at Flynn with fear. “What… what happened?”

Flynn heard the unasked second question:  and is it going to happen to us, too? He took a breath to try to stabilize his voice, because he still wanted to sound like their lieutenant even if he was lying on the ground in a black and blue heap while they fretted over him. “They wanted information about Prince Ioder.”

“And you didn’t tell them anything, did you?” Lademir asked.

Flynn minutely shook his head. “No. They were… unhappy with me for that.”

She placed a fist on her chest. “And I won’t tell them anything, either.”

“Me, neither!” Morin said confidently. 

“You’ll be fine,” Flynn said, even though talking antagonized a growing bruise over his lip. “There’s no need to question you when they have a lieutenant. We’ll find a way out of here, and in the mean time, I’ll handle the interrogating.”

“They had better hope we get rescued rather than fight our way out.” Seligo fixed her glare on Flynn and he knew she was imagining all the bruises hidden by his clothes that kept him so lifelessly collapsed. “Because if I get another chance at fighting them, I’m going to make them feel twice whatever pain they dish out on you now."

Flynn appreciated the sentiment, though at the moment he’d appreciate darkness and silence even more. Horitz seemed to recognize this, because he shepherded the others away to let him rest and fall into a fitful sleep. It seemed like no time had passed at all when he was awoken by the door clanging open again and the same men from yesterday barging in, grabbing him under the arms, and dragging him away to - 

Flynn lay on the ground. In the distance, soldiers shouted and ran up and down the halls. The Knights had come for them, but Flynn struggled to feel anything other than despair after so long. With his wrists lashed together in front of him, he dragged himself over the metal floor toward Seligo, who had been dropped in a heap when the Blood Alliance went running to confront the attackers. His foot caught on a piece of metal grating and pulled on his broken leg, making his vision white out for a few seconds. After catching his breath, he resumed the crawl. 

“Seligo….” He reached her side and rested his hands on her shoulder.

Brown eyes cracked open and dimly looked back at him. She groaned but didn’t try to move. Blood continued to ooze from the pulp that had once been a lower leg before it had been shoved between massive gears. The leg was so red, but her face so white. 

“Th-they’re coming,” Flynn muttered. “The Knights came for us.”  Us . It was still ‘us’, not ‘me’. Corman, Horitz, Morin, Lademir… they were all dead, but Seligo, at least survived. He wouldn’t have to go home as the solitary survivor; he wouldn’t have to suffer an absolute loss of his unit. 

“Good… give ‘em hell for me, Lieutenant….” Her voice trembled and eyes closed. 

“No. You’ll give them hell yourself after you recover and return to the field.”

Without opening her eyes, she smirked. “You were always such an idealist….”

Flynn rested his arms across her chest, the best he could come to a hug with his wrists bound. “You’re going to make it, Seligo… Analise. Just hold on.” Her leg was such a mess, though, and that was just the climax of all the injuries they’re rained on her these past few days…. Flynn fought away the worrying voice. She had to live. If only he had something to make a tourniquet! 

The door slammed open and his heart throbbed with dread as a pair of Blood Alliance members ran in and slammed it shut again. “Grab the lieutenant,” one of them said. “We’re regrouping at Caer Bocram and Barbos isn’t done with him yet.”

Flynn braced himself, but it wasn’t like he had any ability to defend himself as the man hurried over and grabbed his arm. He put up a token struggle, but a month of abuse left him with limited strength. The man hauled him to his feet and Flynn grunted as his leg thumped the ground. 

“What about the woman?” the man holding him said.

“Leave her. She’ll be dead pretty soon anyway.”

“No!” 

The man hauled Flynn over his shoulder and started following his friend to another exit. Flynn pounded futilely against his back and his vision bounced from the man’s rushed steps. His eyes remained locked on Seligo, however, and the slight turn of her head to watch him go. 

“Seligo!” It would be ok, he told himself. Knights were coming; they would find and heal her. He watched the pool of blood expand and her eyes closed again, but she would make it. She  had to make it, or else he’d have lost every single one of them and he didn’t think he could -

Flynn opened his eyes and sucked in a deep breath. Ow. Chest wound still hurt. As consciousness returned to him and the pain of nightmares faded away, his leg rushed to send him all the pain that had been on hold while he slept. It hurt five times as much as it had the last time he remembered being awake, and it took another minute to remember that he hadn’t just fallen asleep. A doctor had given him something to breathe in that knocked him out, which probably explained why his head still felt so heavy and foggy and also maybe contributed to the vivid nightmares of recollection. He had returned to the familiar hospital room, and a quick check under the blanket showed his leg in a heavy plaster cast. At least that was taken care of. 

He shifted to try to find more comfort, and a stab slid up his leg and through his thigh. Flynn didn’t mind the pain, though. His mind’s eye was fixed on the mangled mess of Seligo’s leg and he kept trying to imagine how much pain she had been in. Even if they had saved her, she certainly would have lost the leg. What right did he have to complain that his leg hurt from the surgery to fix it, when Seligo’s had been damaged so horribly it killed her?

A light knock caught his attention. He forced his mind to shift out of self-pity mode and said, “Come in.”

The door opened and he was pleased to see Estellise and Yuri push into the room. Estellise carried a small cake with chocolate frosting and an overwhelming grin. 

“Good afternoon, Flynn! How do you feel?” She sat the cake on the nightstand and then sat on the edge of his bed. 

“I’m fine, thank you.”

“They told us you’d be waking up around now.” Yuri stood a bit further back with his arms folded. “Surgery go ok?”

Flynn shrugged. “I assume. If not, someone would have been here to break the news to me when I awoke, I imagine.”

“I’m sure it went perfectly.” Estellise fiddled with her hands in her lap. “I made you a cake. Um, actually Yuri made the cake but I suggested it and took him to the castle kitchens.”

“You helped clean the bowl,” Yuri offered.

Estellise pouted. “Well - I mean - I just licked a little…. But it’s for you, Flynn! Yuri said chocolate was your favourite.”

Flynn turned his gaze on Yuri. “Did he? Funny, I always thought that was  his favourite….”

“You like it too,” Yuri insisted.

Estellise glanced between them. “Oh, no, should I make another?”

Flynn shook his head. “No. Chocolate is fine. I like all cakes.”

“Good. Then I’ll cut you slice. Your doctor approved it, by the way.”

A few minutes later, he had a plate in hand and took a bite of rich, moist, chocolaty goodness. For a month he’d subsisted on scraps of whatever their jailers tossed their way, and then since getting back, he’d been given bland soups or small portions of chicken. They said he couldn’t go from starving to eating a huge meal right away, and had to take it slow. This was the first bite of good, proper food he’d had since Ghasfarost and it tasted so good, he wanted to shovel the entire thing into his face with his hands. “This is wonderful. Thank you.”

The three of them shared the cake, and for a few minutes, he started to feel close to normal. The bizarreness of seeing Yuri and Estellise together had begun to fade, and the two already seemed to be on their way to being friends. Flynn was too tired to contribute much to the conversation, so he listened to them chat about the days Yuri spent wandering around the castle with her when he felt too restless to go back to the lower quarter. 

But then his mind slipped. He put another bite of cake into his mouth while Yuri laughed about some lower quarter gossip, and out of nowhere his brain reminded him of Morin guarding a stash of chocolates from the rest of the brigade. They’d been a gift from his grandmother and other knights kept trying to sneak one out of the box when he wasn’t looking. Morin loved chocolate, and Flynn wondered what he’d think of Yuri’s cake. He’d probably enjoy it more than Flynn, who preferred carrot or coffee cake. He should be the one lying here eating cake, but instead he’d died in agony after demonstrating just how much damage a human skull could take from a hammer before the brain died. The mental picture of his pulverized corpse filled Flynn’s mind until he could even smell the blood.

“Flynn?”

He jerked his head to Estellise and gasped upon realizing he’d been holding his breath. 

“Um… are you ok? Your hand is shaking really bad….”

Flynn slammed the fork to the plate before it could keep trembling. “I’m fine.” He wondered if repeating this lie over and over made it more believable, or less. He glanced at the quarter of cake still on his plate and his stomach turned at the thought of eating what his mind had convinced him rightfully belonged to a dead man. “Here.” He pushed it toward Estellise. 

Her brow furrowed with concern. “Is something wrong?”

“It tastes delicious, Lady Estellise.” Her face hurt from the strain of trying to smile. “But after this past month’s diet, I’m feeling a little queasy from eating something so sweet and rich. You can finish it if you want.”

“Oh… I’m sorry.” She took the plate while Yuri gave him a look over her shoulder. Damn, why did Yuri have to be so good at seeing through his lies?

Then Estellise asked, “Are you ready for the hearing tomorrow?”

His heart throbbed. He didn’t even want to think about it. “I suppose so.”

“Just remember, you haven’t done anything wrong. As long as you tell them the truth, they’ll see that, too.”

“Right….” He nodded, but telling them the truth was exactly what he didn’t want to do because it was the truth that damned him. Behind her, Yuri also looked unconvinced, though his distrust in the Knights to be competent was long established. 

Estellise rested her hand on his shoulder. “You’re going to be just fine.”


	4. Empty Shell

Flynn didn’t like crutches. They hurt his arms and every step exhausted him. The crossbow wound was still only partially healed and every movement tugged at its edges to remind him it was still there. Even more than the crutches, he didn’t like standing in front of a panel of knights and feeling like he was on trial. 

The hearing took place in a small office within the castle. A long table at one end held seven knights from Internal Affairs, as well as Captain Schwann sitting at the end and watching with a blank face. Flynn stood before them and leaned on his crutches, determined not to ask for a chair. Yuri and Estellise had reassured him over and over all morning that he had nothing to worry about and this was just a formality, but the stern expression on Lieutenant Deagle’s face said that this was entirely serious. 

“Lieutenant Scifo,” Deagle said from the middle of the table. “Please recount your version of events.”

He nodded once and lowered his eyes to the floor. He’d known this was coming, but that didn’t mean he was prepared to share it with people yet. “It started when my captain summoned me to his office. I was told that he had recommended me to the commandant along with five other members of our brigade. We were to report to the commandant’s office that afternoon for a special briefing. So, we-”

“And the names of the five other knights?”

Flynn glanced up. Surely they knew. “Pardon?”

It was another knight asking, holding a pen. “The names, please. Just to be thorough.”

“Ah… ok. There was myself, Analise Seligo, Jethro Morin, Arden Hortiz, Miles Corman, and Elena Lademir. From my understanding, we were selected based on ability and temperament, plus I had worked with all those knights before and my captain knew that we could work together well.”

“Would you say they were friends of yours?” the knight with the pen asked.

Flynn froze at this question. He avoided thinking of his fellow knights as friends, because they were comrades first and foremost. They watched each other’s backs because they were knights and it was their job, and prioritizing certain colleagues as friends over others might lead him to making reckless, emotion-driven decisions. But… he thought about the nights they’d spent playing cards in their tent on their way to Ghasfarost. The long nights in the cell where they shared stories of their lives back home to try to keep each other sane. Missions they’d done together in the past that ended in laughter and teasing. How his grief over their deaths was not merely a sense of failure, but because he personally missed their company. 

“Lieutenant?”

“Yes….” His voice strained. “Yes, they were… my friends.”

“I see. Carry on.”

Flynn swallowed heavily. “So, the six of us reported to the commandant’s office as ordered. There, we were given a mission to gather intelligence from the Guild Union. It was to be a top secret mission, so we were ordered not to inform anyone about where we were going. We made our way to Tolbyccia and infiltrated Ghasfarost tower. While infiltrating the tower, we were apprehended by members of the Blood Alliance, and imprisoned in the tower.” 

After Flynn’s long pause, another knight asked, “What happened after that? There’s a month between being apprehended and being rescued. How did the others die?”

Flynn licked chapped lips. “The day after we were captured, I… was questioned.”

“And what information did you give?”

“None.” A tiny flicker of pride flashed and then died out just as quickly. “I did not give any information to the Blood Alliance.” He risked a glance at the table, and he thought he saw an expression on Schwann’s face for a moment, but it passed too quickly to tell if it was doubt, intrigue, or pride. 

Deagle peered at Flynn’s uncomfortable posture without emotion. “Are we to understand that the injuries you appear with now are a result of that questioning?”

He nodded slowly. “Yes. They were unhappy that I was uncooperative.” It was amazing how long a conversation could dance over grim subjects with vague allusions and cleaned-up terminology. 

“According to your medical file,” here Deagle shuffled through a folder on the table, “the majority of your wounds were already partially healed when you arrived in Zaphias, save for the crossbow wound on your chest. Is that correct?”

He nodded once. 

“How do you account for their degree of healing? What happened to cause them to cease… punishing a lack of cooperation? And why were you shot again at the end?”

Flynn shifted his weight and momentarily focused on the throbs of pain in his left leg as he tried to think how to answer this. 

In his quiet, Captain Schwann spoke up. “The crossbow wound was delivered by a member of my brigade, under my orders. The decision was made that extracting Scifo from the Blood Alliance was of utmost importance, even at the expense of his life if it came to that. It was a shot of last resort when it appeared they would get away with him, and I regret that it came to that.”

Flynn glanced up to meet his eyes and he was certain he read an apology there. He nodded once to show that he understood. 

Deagle looked at his reports. “Ah, yes, that’s recorded here. Very well, Scifo, what about the gap in your injuries?”

Flynn took a tight breath. “After… after they realized I wouldn’t talk, they decided to try getting information out of the others. They also refused to talk.” Another surge of pride appeared here, and lasted longer. “For the remainder of the month, they questioned me by… by forcing me to watch….” His hands clenched the handles of the crutches even tighter. This was it - the moment he’d been dreading. It was time to admit before the hearing that he’d let his knights die. He decided to just get it over with and blurted, “I refused to talk. I was given the option of revealing information about the Knighthood and about His Highness Ioder, or allowing the others to be tortured and executed. I chose the latter.” He closed his eyes and bowed his head and waited for the condemnations. 

The panel sat in silence for a long minute. Eventually, one of them said, “Your dedication to the Knighthood is admirable.”

Flynn raised his eyes, shocked to not see disgust on their faces. He’d let his knights die… why wasn’t anyone else as disgusted with him as he was? 

“Indeed,” Deagle said. “To survive a month under enemy interrogation and not leak any information is commendable.”

Flynn stared at them in blank confusion. He’d dreaded being held accountable for this since the day Corman was killed, and instead they were…  praising him? Five people were dead because of him! 

“Now then, Lieutenant,” Deagle said, “the next issue is about why, precisely, you went to Ghasfarost in the first place.”

Flynn tried to get over his shock enough to respond. “Pardon?”

“Why did you decide to lead a unit of knights to Ghasfarost, thus putting yourselves in that unenviable situation?”

Flynn blinked. “Decide? It wasn’t a decision. We were following instructions given by the commandant.”

“M-hm…. Then, Flynn, why is it that the commandant has no knowledge of this mission?”

His head was still spinning after being told his actions were admirable, so he seemed to have misheard. “…Pardon?”

“The commandant gave no order to invade enemy territory. Why did you go?”

This didn’t make sense. “He did. That’s why we went.”

“No record exists of such an order.”

Flynn’s mouth fell open but he took a few seconds to figure out what to say, because Lieutenant Deagle made no sense. “That can’t be. He called us into his office one month ago to give us specifics for the mission and we left the following morning.”

“According to the commandant,” Deagle spoke with his eyes boring into Flynn, “he met with you to discuss a potential transfer to the Royal Guard, and the exemplary service you would have to complete to finalize his decision to invite you. Nothing about a secret mission was discussed at the meeting.”

Flynn slowly shook his head. “No… no, that isn’t what happened. He knew where we were going. How else would he know to send the rescue operation to Ghasfarost?”

Deagle gestured to Schwann. “Captain Schwann, as the leader of the raid, please elaborate.”

Schwann stood. “A week ago, the commandant received a letter from Don Whitehorse that said he believed the Blood Alliance had some knights in custody that they’d caught snooping around, and demanding to know what those knights had been doing in Union territory. That was the first time the commandant became aware of the mission.” He met Flynn’s eyes as he spoke, and once again, Flynn thought he read an apology there.

Flynn stared back in disbelief. What he said was absurd. Flynn clearly recalled standing in the commandant’s office, trembling with pride and anticipation, as the mission was laid out. 

Deagle nodded. “Thank you, Captain. Lieutenant, I’m sure you understand why this is such an important matter. Don Whitehorse and the Guild Union are furious that members of the Imperial Knighthood were caught spying on them. The peace between our nations is fragile, and severely threatened by this incident. Did you take it upon yourself to infiltrate the Union to try to bring back information that would help your career?”

“No!” But he did understand. Alexei had to claim ignorance, or else the Union would take it as an act of aggression. The only way to pacify the Union was to pretend the transgression had been committed by a rogue, and absolutely wasn’t officially sanctioned by the Knighthood. So then, in order to stage this as the act of a knight gone rogue… someone had to be painted as that rogue knight. “Ask my captain,” he said weakly, though he already knew it was pointless. He was being framed by the commandant himself; what hope did he possibly have of proving him wrong? “He was informed that we were leaving on a mission.”

“We have spoken to him,” Deagle said. “He claims the commandant gave you a confidential mission, but he admits that the only confirmation he has of that is your word. You took it upon yourself to lead a mission into the Union to gather information in an attempt to bolster your standing with the commandant, didn’t you?”

Flynn numbly shook his head. “I didn’t. If the mission was a sham, why did the others go with me? They would have known I didn’t receive orders because they were in the meeting with me.”

“They were, by your own admission, your friends,” Deagle said. “Are we to suppose your friends would have ratted you out to the captain? Or that they would not have gone with you in support?”

“No… but… that’s not….”

“Do you have anything else you can say in your defence?”

He wracked his mind. There must be something he could say, some evidence that this had been an officially sanctioned mission, but it had been so confidential that no one beyond the participants and the commandant knew anything about that. Bitterly, he wondered if the commandant had planned it that way on purpose as preparation for if they got caught. If only the others were here and they could stand together insisting it had been an order, but they were dead and it was down to his word against the commandant’s, and there was little mystery who would be believed. 

“No,” he whispered with eyes locked on the floor. He felt like he was in prison again, but an even worse one this time. In Ghasfarost, he’d had the hope that if he could only escape, freedom awaited. Now he’d arrived at freedom only to find it was another prison, one where the walls were crashing down around him and there was no possible escape to his old life.

“Very well.” Deagle straightened his papers and pushed them to the side. “In the absence of any contradictory evidence, we find you guilty of being absent without leave and of harming the peace with the Union by committing unlawful espionage. You are to be discharged from the Imperial Knighthood, without benefits, effective immediately. You will have twenty-four hours to vacate your residence in the castle.”

The words flowed over him, but Flynn only picked up the key ones. Guilty. Discharge. He’d come in here ready to accept the blame for his comrades’ deaths, and now he had been commended for that and kicked out of the Knights for a crime he didn’t commit. It was all happening too fast and he barely noticed Schwann leaning over the table to talk to Deagle in a low voice. 

A minute later, Deagle cleared his throat. “Ah. Yes. A slight amendment: out of compassion for your physical injuries, you will be granted leniency and not required to pack your belongings and leave until the medical ward has discharged you.”

“Oh. Alright.” It was such a small silver lining on such a thunderously dark cloud that he barely registered it. 

“You are dismissed, Mr. Scifo.”

Mr . Scifo. Not ‘lieutenant’ -  mister . In absence of any other idea what to do, he awkwardly turned and hobbled out of the room. 

* * *

 

“They can’t do that.”

“They already did.” Flynn sat on his bed in the medical ward, crutches leaning against the wall. 

“But you didn’t do anything wrong!” Estelle stood next to Yuri and fidgeted with her urge to tackle Flynn into a bear hug. 

Flynn looked so miserable, Yuri might join her. He and Estelle had met Flynn in his hospital room after the hearing, ready to congratulate him on it being over and wasn’t it nice to have that stress out of the way? As soon as they walked in, though, it had been obvious the hearing hadn’t gone how they expected. Afraid of the answer, Yuri had asked how it went. Flynn’s summary had been truncated, no doubt because he didn’t want to dwell on all the painful details, but they understood the important facts. 

Flynn sighed and stretched his broken leg to try to take some of the tension off it as it sat on the ground. “That’s the thing, though. I  did do something wrong. Spying on the Union like that… it was wrong even if I had been ordered to do it. I knew that espionage was unethical but it was a direct order from the commandant so I figured that made it… not  ok , but an unfortunate necessity.”

Yuri struggled to keep calm because Flynn didn’t look like he was in any state to deal with shouting, directed at him or not. “That doesn’t change the fact that the commandant gave you this dangerous mission that led to you getting….” Yuri made a vague hand gesture toward Flynn to indicate his general condition. “Five people died because of his order and now that Internal Affairs is asking for receipts, whoops, he doesn’t know what they’re talking about! Damn, I thought Alexei was better than this but it looks like he’s no better than any other corrupt piece of shit knight officer. The whole Imperial Knighthood is a crap show.”

A bit of a silence followed his tirade and then Flynn sighed and bowed his head. “It really is.” 

That worried Yuri more than anything else. Usually Flynn would reluctantly agree and then stress that he was working to make it better, but now he had nothing but resignation. 

“You can’t let them get away with this.” Estelle stomped her foot. “You said they charged you with being AWOL, but you  weren’t . You had been given orders! This isn’t fair!”

Flynn shrugged half-heartedly. “’Fair’ doesn’t matter.”

“Take this up with Alexei,” Estelle insisted. 

Yuri snorted. “Alexei is the one who decided to feign ignorance. Asking for him to intercede is pointless.” He thought about this for a second and then added, “Though, I wouldn’t mind having some words with him. Someone needs to call him out on being a piece of crap.”

Flynn shook his head. “Drop it. It’s over. If you want to help, you can start packing up my room and helping me move everything to… I don’t know, the Comet, I guess.”

Yuri stared at Flynn and tried not to be angry with him. Rolling over and just accepting that he was being framed was such an un-Flynn move. Not only that, but it was an example of corruption in the Knighthood that he’d always striven to eradicate. No Flynn in his right mind would glumly accept that he’d been kicked out, but then, this Flynn wasn’t in his right mind and shouting at him in his fragile state would probably just exacerbate the problem. 

“Alright.” Yuri turned away as Estelle looked at him. “I get it. Come on, Estelle, we should leave Flynn alone for now. He looks tired.”

“But….” She turned her eyes on Flynn, who didn’t protest that he wanted them to stay. “Ok. You’re right. Get some rest, Flynn.”

She followed Yuri into the hall and he closed the door with more force than necessary. Yuri stared at the closed door for a long moment and then asked, “Do you know where the commandant’s office is?”

“Um, yes. Why?”

Yuri looked back at her. “Can you take me there?”

She nodded and they started walking. “Are you hoping that taking this to the commandant will let Flynn back into the Knights?”

Yuri shook his head and glared forward as they walked. “No point. Alexei knew Flynn would get kicked out as soon as he pretended he hadn’t given an order. I just want to tell him what I think of him.”

“Do you really think that will make a difference?”

“No. I just want him to know… I don’t know, that he’s accountable, in some way. Shouting at him won’t change his mind, but he’s still someone who needs to be shouted at.”

“Ah… yes, I understand.”

They didn’t talk much on their way to Alexei’s office. Yuri was too busy fuming to hold a conversation. After walking through the castle for several minutes, Estelle pointed to a set of double doors guarded by marble pillars. 

“That’s his office. You’re not allowed to see him without an appointment, though.”

Yuri expected as much, and knew that it was only Estelle’s presence that let him get this far in the first place. There was no hope of arranging a proper appointment, so he decided to make an appointment the lower quarter way. He marched forward and slammed the door open. 

Alexei was in the middle of a conversation with Captain Schwann when Yuri arrived. Both of them looked up, startled, and Alexei rose from his desk. 

“Who are-”

“What the hell kind of organization are you running?!” Yuri noticed Estelle hovering nervously behind him and hoped her presence continued to protect him from being stabbed on sight, because being with the princess meant he hadn’t just waltzed in here off the street. 

Alexei fixed a glare at him. “I don’t know who you are, young man, but if you have a problem with the Knighthood, you can send your complaint by mail.”

“No thanks, I’m not going to waste the gald on postage for something no one will read. You really thought you could kick Flynn out of the Knights and no one would call you on it? You  ordered him to go on that mission! Flynn would have died for his subordinates, and this is how you treat yours!?”

Alexei looked away dismissively. “Schwann, deal with this.”

“Right away sir.” Schwann left the desk and approached Yuri.

“Don’t tell him to ‘deal’ with me!” Yuri moved farther into the room. “I used to think that you, at least, were a decent leader but now I see what kind of crap you are. You used Flynn, threw him into danger, gave him no backup, gave the order for him to be  killed if necessary, and then threw him out to dry to take all the blame for the crap you pulled. If you weren’t willing to take responsibility with the Union, you shouldn’t have-”

Schwann grabbed his arm and forced him back to the hallway. Yuri didn’t fight too hard, because even in his anger, he knew that starting an actual fight with Captain Schwann, in front of the commandant, in the heart of the castle, was phenomenally stupid. In the hall, Schwann shut the door and then shoved Yuri’s back against one of the pillars. 

He held Yuri there by the lapels of his shirt and demanded, “Did you really think this was going to accomplish anything?”

“Um, Captain Schwann.” Estelle clutched her hands together and watched them worriedly. “Yuri just wanted to yell at Alexei about Flynn - he wasn’t going to attack him or anything.”

Schwann nodded to Estelle. “Good afternoon, Your Highness. Yes, I assumed he wasn’t that stupid.” To Yuri, he said, “You’re Scifo’s friend?”

“Yeah. What of it?” Yuri glared back at him.

“Convey to him my condolences for the situation he has been placed in.”

That just made Yuri more angry. “That’s some masterful use of the passive voice, there. Did you forget that  you are the one who hung him out to dry in the hearing?”

Schwann’s expression didn’t change. “The situation is unfortunate.”

“Please, Captain Scwhann,” Estelle said, “isn’t there anything we can do to help Flynn?”

Schwann thought for a moment. “The most important thing in this situation is stability and peace. At the moment, kicking Scifo out of the Knighthood and then quietly sweeping it under the rug is the best way to return to peace smoothly. If a situation arose in the future where kicking Scifo out of the Knights caused more of a scene than leaving him in, the situation might change. Have a good day, Your Highness.” He bowed curtly and re-entered the office. 

  


* * *

 

Yuri and Estelle opted not to go right back to Flynn again, since he probably wanted time to rest and think alone. Instead, Estelle spent the afternoon showing Yuri around the castle garden and they both tried not to think too much about the mire Flynn was stuck in. Schwann’s advice had amounted to ‘wait and see’, which frustrated Yuri as a person who preferred to get things done as soon as the problem presented itself. 

Come evening, Yuri decided to stop by the medical ward to say goodnight before heading back to the lower quarter. When he reached Flynn’s room, though, he found it empty. Back in the hall, he stopped a nurse. 

“Hey, where’s Flynn?”

She paused and glanced back at Flynn’s empty door. “Oh, he said we wanted to go to his own room to get something, and he’ll be back in a little bit.”

“Thanks.” Yuri considered waiting, but if Flynn had gone to get something, he might be intending to bring it back and he had enough trouble walking with crutches without carrying anything. Yuri took off to find him so he could help carry, just in case. 

Luckily, Estelle had pointed out Flynn’s room on one of their previous wanderings of the castle, so it didn’t take too long to find it. He knocked and then pulled back the instinct to barge in anyway. He’d never been too concerned with walking in on Flynn, but with everything Flynn had been through, startling him wouldn’t help. 

“Come in.”

Permission gained, Yuri entered the room. He found Flynn sitting on his bed, leg stretched in front of him. Flynn hadn’t turned the light on and with the sun nearly behind the horizon, shadows covered the room. 

“Good evening, Yuri.” Flynn’s voice came out stiff and flat.

“I heard you came to get something.” Yuri closed the door and then joined him on the bed. “But you just came here to think, didn’t you?”

Flynn smiled a little. “You always see right through me.” Then his face fell. “Or maybe I’m just an easy read. The Blood Alliance had no problem working out exactly how to hurt me the most keenly.”

“It’s because you’re too honest.” 

Flynn didn’t reply and just sat solemnly staring at his feet.

“Worrying about what to do after leaving the Knights?”

“Sort of. Hm… Yuri, do you remember when we used to find empty cicada shells clinging to trees in the summer? We always thought we were so clever managing to sneak up on one, but then it turned out to be just a cast-off shell.”

“Sure.” Yuri had no idea what this had to do with Flynn and the Knights, but he remembered it clear enough. “What about them?”

“That’s… sort of what I feel like. I think I was supposed to die in Ghasfarost, and I think part of me did. That’s why here’s no place for me in the Knights anymore. I’m not supposed to be here. My life ended in Ghasfarost and all the knights dragged out was the empty shell.”

“You’re not an empty shell.” Yuri, who had never prided himself on his ability to think of words, wrapped an arm around Flynn’s shoulders. 

“Everything… everybody would be better off if I’d died there. The Knights could easily write me off as a rogue, and I wouldn’t be in pain now. I should have died there. I - I  wish  I’d-”

“Don’t.” Yuri squeezed Flynn’s shoulder tighter. “Don’t even say it.”

“And why not?!” Flynn snapped his head to Yuri. Even in the dim light, the anger shone clearly. “There’s nothing for me here. My leg is busted, I’m kicked out of the Knights with nowhere to go, the dream we planned since we were kids went up in smoke,  five of my friends are  dead because of me, and I can’t even get respite in my sleep because I keep going back to Ghasfarost every time I close my eyes. If you gave me the option of pushing a button to lie down with the others and join them in the nothingness of death, I’d slam it in a heartbeat.”

Yuri dropped his arm. “And what about me? You think I’d be better off with my best friend dead?”

Flynn glared at him without a reply and then turned his head away.

“Estelle seems pretty fond of you, too, and heaven knows the lower quarter still adores you. You think they’d be happy if you were dead?”

Flynn rested his clenched fists on his thighs. “Maybe not… but at least I would.”

“You’ve still only been home for a few days. It’s no surprise you’re still shaken up after everything that happened. Give it time. Your leg will heal, the nightmares will fade, and you’ll start feeling like yourself again.”

“No amount of time passing will bring the others backs.”

Yuri sighed and stood up. “Ok. I can tell you’re not in the mood to be consoled tonight.” He looked down at Flynn, who was stubbornly not looking at him. “Take tonight to cry it out. I’ll be back tomorrow.”

 

  



	5. Unexpected Support

The next day, Yuri was still angry. He’d stopped by Flynn’s room in the medical ward and found him asleep, but considering how late in the morning it was, Yuri wondered how late he’d been up the night before, wallowing in grief. Deciding that Flynn needed his rest, Yuri took off to try to make things better the only way he could think of. He’d lain awake half the night himself trying to come up with something, and though he didn’t know if it would work, it was worth a shot.

He found Flynn’s captain in his office. 

“Good morning,” the man said to him. “You’re Flynn’s friend, correct?”

“That’s right.” Yuri didn’t bother taking a seat at the desk. 

“Is there anything I can do for you?” 

“Could be. I’m trying to help Flynn.”

The captain frowned and sighed a little. “I’m out of options for things I can do for Flynn. I was the one who chose those knights for that mission, you know? I can’t help but think of where they’re be right now if I hadn’t picked them….”

“They’d be alive and six other poor saps would be dead,” Yuri said shortly. “Don’t you go blaming yourself, too. I have enough on my hands keeping Flynn’s survivor guilt in check.”

The captain coughed and nodded. “Yes, of course. I do apologize for that breach in professionalism. How do you intend to help Flynn?”

“All I need is the names and addresses of the next-of-kins of the five knights who died.”

The captain seemed confused by this request, but willingly fulfilled it.

Half an hour later, Yuri was gone from the castle. He’d never visited this part of the public quarter before and had needed to ask directions from a fruit vendor a few blocks back. He double checked the address on his paper and the number painted on the door, and then knocked. It took only a minute for a middle aged woman with greying hair and a face lined with sorrow to answer him. 

“Yes?”

“Ah, hello, are you Mrs. Corman? Miles Corman’s mother?”

She nodded slowly. Yuri understood a smidgen of how she must be feeling, because when Sodia had shown up at his door a few days ago, he’d had those few terrifying moments of believing he was getting the news Mrs. Corman had actually gotten. Just those few seconds of believing Flynn was dead had been unbearable and he could hardly imagine enduring it for days the way Mrs. Corman had. 

“Sorry to bother you. I’m a friend of Lieutenant Flynn Scifo’s.” Yuri watched her face carefully for any sign of anger or resentment. Instead, all he saw was mild curiosity. Good; this was a positive sign. “Did your son ever tell you about him?”

She nodded. “Miles frequently spoke of him in his letters. He seemed to have taken quite a shine to the lieutenant.” Her lips twitched in a faint smile. “I heard he’s the only one who made it back alive.”

Yuri nodded once, slowly. “That’s right.” And now he understood a smidgen of the guilt Flynn had lived with for so long. Mrs. Corman didn’t say anything, but the fact that Yuri’s loved one had come home safe while hers hadn’t remained very loudly unsaid between them. 

Mrs. Corman managed another faint smile. “I’m glad. Miles would be pleased about that.”

Yuri just nodded because nothing else seemed appropriate to say. Hopefully he could skip ahead in the conversation a bit without offending her. “Do you mind if I come in and talk for a bit? I don’t know how much you know about what happened, but I imagine it isn’t much.” The quick shake of her head confirmed his theory that all she’d gotten was a knight at the door informing her Corman was dead and that was about it. “I know a fair amount of what happened. I thought, maybe, you’d want to know what your son died for.”

Mrs. Corman’s hesitation lasted so long Yuri started to wonder if he should just sidle away. Finally, she said, “I’m not sure I do… but I feel like I need to. Come in; I’ll get you some tea and we can talk.”

* * *

 

Flynn sat on his bed and let a nurse take his blood pressure. He felt conflicted about what he hoped the results were. On one hand, he was eager to stop being in pain and get out of the stifling hospital environment. On the other, as soon as they declared him fit to go, he’d be chucked out of the castle for good. Moving all his possessions into Yuri’s room at the Comet would make everything feel so much more real and he wasn’t sure if he was ready to deal with that. 

As the nurse finished and started putting the sleeve away, the door swung open and revealed Estellise. “Flynn! Hello. Sorry, did I interrupt?”

The nurse smiled. “No, I was just finishing. You can visit if you like, Your Highness.”

“Oh, good. He can go for a walk, right?” She looked to Flynn. “You need to come with me.”

“Ah, I do?” Her determination suggested she had some kind of destination in mind, which was good because he didn’t feel like limping around on crutches just for the sake of a walk.

“Yes, you can go,” the nurse told him. “Just be back before dinner, please.”

Flynn grabbed the crutches from beside the bed and eased himself upright, wincing the whole way. Wherever Estellise wanted to take him, she was obviously not going to take no for an answer. 

Once they were in the hallway, she said, “I’m sorry for dragging you out. Yuri insisted.”

“This is one of Yuri’s plots? I should have stayed in bed.”

“You are ok with walking, right?” She looked him over carefully. 

“I’m fine.” He was upright, wasn’t he? Compared to the knights he’d set off with, he was in excellent condition. He wouldn’t dream of complaining. It was slow going through the castle since walking on crutches was anything but smooth and graceful. He followed Estellise until they reached, to his surprise and uncertainty, the commandant’s office. “Why are we here?”

“I’m not sure.” She turned to face him and fiddled her hands. “Yuri told me to meet him here with you. I don’t know what he’s planning.”

Flynn leaned against the wall to take pressure off the crutches. He hadn’t seen Yuri since their talk in his room two days ago, and he wasn’t thrilled about the prospect of him showing up now. He could tell Yuri had been disappointed in him that night, and considering his mood hadn’t changed, Yuri was just going to be more upset with him now for still being miserable. 

They waited for a few minutes until a group of people came around the corner, Yuri in the lead. Flynn didn’t recognize anyone behind him, and was more than a little baffled as to why Yuri had brought six apparent civilians to the commandant’s office. The oldest among them was a grey-haired woman walking with a cane, and the youngest was boy of about thirteen or fourteen who gazed at Flynn with eyes that were achingly familiar. 

“Hey, Flynn,” Yuri said when they arrived. “How are you feeling?”

“Uh… I’m fine.” He was looking around Yuri at the group of people, especially the boy who was the spitting image of Horitz. He could only be his son, of whom Hortiz had often mentioned while they sat around talking. “What is this?”

“We’re here to speak with the commandant.” Yuri stepped past Flynn and began banging on the commandant’s door. “Hey! Alexei! You in there?!”

Flynn scrambled to grab his crutches and stop him. “Yuri!” he hissed in terror, “you can’t just barge in on the commandant like this!”

The elderly woman rested a hand on Flynn’s elbow. “Leave him be, son. We’re here to speak to the commandant and won’t take no for an answer.”

The door swung open and Yuri nearly fell into Captain Schwann’s arms. 

“You again?” Schwan said. “Leave immediately before I summon the guards.” 

“No can do,” Yuri said. “We’re here for an audience with the commandant.”

If Flynn wasn’t restricted to hobbling with crutches, he would have left by now. Trust Yuri to drag him into trouble. For a second he worried what sort of discipline the Knighthood would visit upon him for being part of this, and then with a sucker punch he remembered for the hundredth time that he wasn’t a knight anymore. 

“That is not possible,” Schwan said. “You must-”

“Out of the way.” The elderly woman smacked Scwhann’s shins with her cane and barged past him into the room. At this, the rest of the crowd followed suit. Schwann stood back, reluctant to physically intercede with little old ladies and mothers with children.

“Come on,” Estellise rubbed his shoulder and followed the others. 

Yuri have him a look as well, and Flynn sighed and followed the group into the office. What was the worst that could happen? They’d already discharged him. Inside, Alexei watched the group enter with displeasure. When they were all assembled in front of his desk, Schwann hurried to his side.

“I apologize, sir.”

He seemed about to continue, but Yuri stood at the front of the group and spoke over him. “Morning, Commandant. I’ve brought a bunch of people who want to talk to you about Flynn.”

All eyes turned to Flynn and he hoped his baffled expression clarified that he’d had no part in arranging this. 

“Here we have…” Yuri turned away and started pointing as he introduced people, starting with the old woman. “Mrs. Morin and her son Gideon, who’s the father of Jethro Morin; Rosa, Arden Hortiz’s widow and their kid Paul; Elena Lademir’s girlfriend, Inesa; Grace Corman, who’s the mother of Miles; and Joseph Seligo, the brother of Analise. All of them are pretty unhappy with how the Knighthood have handled things lately.”

Flynn wanted to punch Yuri for dragging him into this. The very last thing he wanted was to be in a room with the families of all the knights he’d failed. How could Yuri possible think he wanted to meet Corman’s mother? Or look Horitz’s widow in the eye? They surely despised him. 

“I see,” Alexei said. “But I am very busy and I do not have time for an audience. If you wish to speak with someone at the Knighthood, you can arrange it through-”

“I’m not arranging anything for shit,” Mrs. Morin said with a stamp of her cane. “And I don’t want to talk to some secretary who won’t actually forward on my complaints to the commandant.”

“Same here,” Joseph Seligo said. “You’re the one who sent my sister on that mission, so you’re the one I want to talk to.”

Alexei kept his face resolutely still. “As I’ve said, I do not have any knowledge about this alleged mission.”

“That’s nonsense!” Mrs. Corman said. “Miles wrote me and told me all about how he’d been selected for a top secret mission.” She glanced at Flynn guiltily and added, “He said his lieutenant had advised them not to tell friends or family, but he was too excited.”

Flynn’s heart throbbed at the memory of Corman’s eager face the day they’d set off. He wanted to tell Mrs. Corman that she had no reason to feel second-hand guilt, because Flynn wasn’t - couldn’t possibly be - angry with Corman. 

“You’re saying my husband committed treason,” Rosa Horitz said. “He served the Knighthood loyally for almost twenty years and now you’re claiming he went AWOL before his death? You want to look my son in the eye and tell him his father was a traitor? Force him to grow up with that lie?”

“I heard the whole story,” Seligo said with a nod at Yuri. “How Scifo begged their captors to take him instead, and how the only reason my sister and the others were targeted was because of how obvious it was he valued them over himself. From everything Analise has told me about him in the past, I have no trouble believing it. This man led a mission on  your command, got tortured, asked to be tortured  more to spare my sister and the others, and you have the gall to  discharge him?”

Flynn turned his eyes to the floor, face warming. They shouldn’t speak of him like he was some kind of hero. 

Alexei kept his voice level. “I have no knowledge of-”

“Shut it.” Inesa rolled her eyes. “Everyone in this room knows the truth. Elena told me about getting a mission from the commandant, too.”

Alexei was quiet for a moment as he surveyed the angry group. “What, precisely, do you wish me to do?”

“Stop calling my husband a traitor.”

Alexei frowned, looked around at the group, and sighed. “Due to the political realities with the Union, I am afraid I cannot publicly acknowledge your loved ones’ mission. I apologize for the grief it has caused your families, but the potential ramifications could result in fighting with the Union that creates many more orphans and widows.”

“Then don’t do it publicly,” Mrs. Morin said. “You already made a scene of discharging the poor lieutenant. Now you can quietly set things right.”

“And if you won’t do anything about it,” Mrs. Corman said, “I would be happy to make my son’s letter public.”

Inesa nodded enthusiastically. “We’re not going to sit quietly and let the Knighthood walk all over their names.”

Captain Schwan cleared his throat a little. He stood by the desk and spoke softly, but Flynn was able to make out his words. “Sir… reports from Dahngrest indicate that Whitehorse is fully aware the mission was ordered by you. He’s chosen to accept your lie because he, too, wishes to avoid all-out conflict. Now that you’ve made your show of claiming ignorance, I believe he’d be willing to look the other way over a knight quietly resuming work.”

Alexei folded his hands and spent a moment in deep thought. “Hm… while I cannot officially endorse the mission, I can, perhaps, quietly rescind the condemnation. Would that pacify you?”

“So you’ll stop classifying everyone who took part in that mission as a traitor?” Seligo asked. 

“We cannot make an official announcement, but the records can be revised to reflect the reality of what happened.”

“And what about the lieutenant?” Mrs. Corman said. 

Flynn’s heart skipped a beat as he looked at her.

She went on, “You’ll revise his record as well, right? To reflect that he left under orders?”

Mrs. Morin nodded. “Right. Doesn’t make sense to have five out of 6 members of a mission recorded as following orders but then pretend their leader was AWOL. It would put the whole thing into question.”

Alexei slowly nodded and then glanced in Flynn’s direction. “Yes. Mr. Scifo’s record will also be updated.”

Estellise clapped her hands together, unable to stay quiet any longer. “So if Flynn’s record no longer shows him breaking orders and going to the Union without permission, then you have no basis to discharge him!”

Yuri folded his arms with a grin. “If he remains discharged, anyone looking at the situation would think that some kind of foul play went on with this mission and that’s as good as saying that these folks’ loved ones were part of an unendorsed mission.”

“And I won’t stand for it,” Inesa said. “There’s no way Elena would be satisfied with her name being cleared but not Flynn’s.”

Alexei gave Yuri an irritated look and then nodded. To Flynn, he said, “Mr. Scifo. To pacify this situation, I am willing to reinstate you in the Imperial Knighthood on the condition that this mission and particularly my involvement in it is never discussed. Though you may be entitled to a medal, nothing will be awarded. We wish to put this situation behind us as speedily as possible. Is that acceptable?”

Flynn gaped at him. Acceptable? It was more than acceptable! All these people who ought to hate him were instead speaking highly of him, and he was being offered his job back? He kept waiting for the bad news to arrive or to wake up back to his crushing reality. Head still spinning, he realized Alexei was awaiting an answer and he might as well say it before the dream ended. “Yes. Yes, sir, that is… acceptable.”

“Very well. You will be reinstated at the rank of lieutenant. I’ll have the paperwork processed shortly. Now, is there anything else you would like to discuss, or may I resume my work?”

The assembled group shook their heads and left the room before they irritated Alexei into changing their mind. Flynn, struggling to keep up on crutches, was the last one out and consequently walked into a crowd of smiles in the hallway. 

“I’m so happy for you!” Estellise hugged him tight enough to hurt. 

When she pulled away, Mrs. Horitz stepped forward to shake Flynn’s hand. “Congratulations. I’ve heard so many good things about you, and I’m glad we could help put your career back on track.”

The rest of the group chorused their agreement. Flynn still felt like he was floating in some surreal daydream, but he managed to put words together. “I… I can’t thank all of you enough. But you shouldn’t have. I don’t deserve your help after what I did.”

In the background, Yuri rolled his eyes and shook his head. Mrs. Morin clapped her cane on the floor and looked up at him with steely grey eyes. “You, young man, have nothing to apologize for. I admit, I do wish that it had been my grandson who came home and not you, but you didn’t have any say in that. The best thing I can do for my Jethro is make sure the lieutenant he respected so much gets what he deserves. It’s what he would have wanted.”

The rest of them nodded firmly. Joseph Seligo said, “I was told you asked about Analise within a minute of regaining consciousness in the hospital.”

Inesa said, “Elena told me you planned on becoming commandant one day, and she couldn’t wait to see you do it. She’d be devastated if she knew you got kicked out of the Knights.”

And so it continued. Everyone had something kind to say to him, some encouraging words or stories of how much their loved one respected him. Not a single one of them blamed him for being alive. The kind words flowed over him and Flynn considered that maybe he wasn’t better off dead after all. 

Sometime during all of this, Yuri had sidled up beside him. When the others had begun talking among themselves, Yuri said, “I’m sorry for telling them about what happened. I thought they deserved to know.”

“It’s fine.” The conflicting emotions of disbelieving joy and firmly entrenched grief left little room for anything else. “You’re right. They do deserve to know how and why the others died.” He’d been so certain that when they found out, they would hate him. Discovering that nobody hated him, nobody held him accountable, and nobody was kicking him out of the Knighthood lifted a weight from his shoulders. Everything was… fine. He had nothing left to dread. He still had a lot of grief, nightmares, and pain to work through, but no current problems to grapple with. He knew Yuri would be around to help him, too, because if Yuri could find a way to get him back into the Knights, Yuri could help him with anything. 


End file.
